28 Mar Dating Timeline and Tips: From a Man to a Woman

Ladies and gentlemen but mainly ladies this is for you.

But before we dive into this, I made a video some time ago for the men about dating. I talked about what men need to do to step up in dating and to qualify and just be able to date and approach the right woman.I think the same thing, I know the same thing goes for a woman.

But this time, I will present   my own understanding of the dating timeline for a woman and a snippet of my advice regarding this. And correct me if I’m wrong, this list, I’m pretty sure you can relate to this. This, mind you is a man’s perspective.

 I want to be real and honest here, and just pour out what my thoughts and my emotions are telling me, no edit, no complexity and no going around the bush just pure subjective statements.

So how do women envision the ideal man for themselves? I think a lot of the idealization is affected by pop culture and by media. You know there’s this shift. You know a shift in the culture that we deal so much. There are superficial and pretentious things, delusional mentality and misrepresentations out there and from this shift, it gives a great difference in dating nowadays. A lot of females are being consumed by reality TV lifestyle. This is a total turnoff for most people and for yourself as well because why are you living or seeking the reality TV lifestyle. By doing so, you’re overlooking your individuality and your self-concept; you with your own rights and freedom as a private person is now being locked by media and pop culture’s influence.

Now we take the timeline of dating and how I believe women see their future relationships and their own ideal man come to be.

1. A woman in her 20’s.

So you’re out there. You’re having fun, more of careless, adventurous and vivacious. This is how young people are supposed to do right; just have fun. And as early as it is on this stage, you already set your own standards. You create your long list of qualifications. Say for example there’s this good guy on TV. He wasn’t as famous as he is now but through patience he suddenly got famous. And now it’s like he’s the epitome, the person that you’ve always desired to be with. Suddenly this good guy branding and popularity had a “bandwagon effect” to you.

You think this what it’s all about; fun and pretty. So you take these set of standards and these qualifications, and you say okay I’m good looking and I got something going on. I want somebody that’s good-looking and who’s got it going on too. And in this stage, you’re so picky. And you might have specific physical attributes like chiseled abs, etc. Since you’re young during this time, you think you know everything that will work for you and that’s best for you all together.

2. Then as you progress to the next stage. Now you’re in your 30’s.

This time you want someone who’s got a good career. You still want that subjective physical attractiveness, yes most people would agree. So you say, I want a person who looks good, a person that’s groomed, a person who has a career, a person who’s intelligent in their own way or even going to the salary. You might have this qualification where in he’s got to make this amount of money. And you name it. Everybody’s got their thing.

Then you’re ready to settle down, to get into a relationship, a kind of relationship where you see your future. This time, you feel that you’re ready to have a ’the one’. Then suddenly you find that there’s something wrong with this person. Something you believe is just not quite right and you couldn’t deal with it.  And you couldn’t tolerate being in the relationship already so you end it, just like that. Suddenly when your relationship is challenged and problems start arising and you just give up and realized, “Oh this man is not the one!” I’m not saying you must stay in an unhealthy situation, but I just want to say that in a relationship there will always be something that you have to deal with and something that you have to tolerate and work on.

3. Now you’ve gone past this age of 30.

Now you’re in your mid 30’s timeframe. This time, the pressure is the determining factor or the motivational factor in finding your man. This time, you’re seeing all of your other friends getting married. Suddenly you become aware that you’re circles of acquaintances are having their own families and kids. You realize that marriage, family, and kids will be your identity and without this, it would mean you don’t have a life going on. Because during this timeframe, when you go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the other holidays to your parent’s house you’ll be bombarded with questions or comments related to this:

“Hey, when will you bring me some grandbabies.”

“You still haven’t got a man yet?”

So you now lower your standards and qualities that you’ve been after when you were younger. Now you become realistic. You’ll be okay with this person that you would never have given a chance or the light of day in the beginning. Now for this timeline, your standards start getting more applicable to you. This time you want to go to this person of whom all along you consider as mediocre.

4. Now you’re pushing late forty…

and that whole biological clock thing kicks in and you say I just want somebody that goes to church and somebody who loves the Lord. Someone who you believe will work things out no matter what. This time that one quality of a man having that salary amount or career is not as important as before. You again lower your standards by being satisfied with someone who you think is just willing to work. You might even help this man get a job or you volunteer to be the financial provider for the family.I mean trust me this time frame is a race. You’re not getting any younger and so you become desperate. So now you’re 40 or past 40, and you just want someone to keep you company. I believe there’s a high percentage of women out there who falls into this category.

My Pieces of Advice: From a Man to a Woman

These are my word to you. It is amazing to really understand the timeline of dating; when you’re young and foolish. When you think thugs are cool and so for you, they’re better. When you want the bravado, the cool, the famous or the cuties. I mean, it’s all  fun and games when you are experiencing this stage but you must know that with this decision it comes with a price and what that is, it’ll be up to you to figure that out. Or you’re at that stage where you prefer someone who’s tough and a knight in shining armor, someone who will lay down his life for you just like what you see in romantic movies.

Ideally, that’s good. And that’s a good thing to have but everybody’s not going to find that Golden Needle in the haystack. So know what you’re setting in the beginning because of this standard that you’ve set will, maybe just like the golden needle in the haystack, never be found. It’s not always pragmatic that you start your dating with superficial thoughts because at some point in your life, you flip the script to transforming dating to desperate ends.

I just hope for  women out there that when you are finding the one, always know that there will always be something to work on. Everybody’s got their fair share of issues. Find the 80% to 90% as passing grade man for you. But know that there’s always work that has to be done. Maybe a 15% or 20% because with this percentage, it’s where communication comes in and that’s where trust comes in. That’s where loyalty comes in, and growth comes in and that’s what we need to understand. Not this perfect or godly man.

Love fades but love comes back. It’s up to a person to keep it fresh. Feelings change. Emotions change. Life changes. Everything changes. Just like there are four different seasons in a year, that’s just how relationships are. So don’t be in it just for the good. Know that you’re going to be in it through it all- the good, the bad and even the indifference, the highs and the lows, the left or right and everything that comes in between. Also, you can’t change someone to the person you want to be because by then you’re changing their identity. You’re trying to trample their upbringing, where they’ve lived and the relationships that they were in of which makes him an individual.  These are the things that really count. So know properly who your “the one” is and be ready to understand and complement each other.

This is the word from Prime to the ladies.